Blog - Yolanda Gray

The Journey to Take Back Your Life

March 1, 2018 By Yolanda Gray 1 Comment

On the journey to taking back my life, I discovered that while I thought I was looking good and doing pretty well, I was, in fact heading for a fall.

The truth about what was really happening in my life presented itself in various ways. When I could no longer hide behind the carefully-constructed image of who I wanted you to see, my relationships, my work, my finances, my life began to suffer.

Self-gratification–immediate satisfaction, with no long-range focus. There was a long, long time of hurt behind the actions that were part of my low self-esteem.

Everything I did was to make me look good or feel good.

When I was engaging in temporary ways to find pleasure or to soothe and comfort me from pain—mostly emotional–I was anxious and depressed all the time. That’s what happens when we operate from ego and low self-esteem. Our focus is always on right here, right now.

My beliefs–the false and unhealthy ones–protected me from having to do what was right–what God wanted for me. I could rationalize and justify any behavior.

Learning right thoughts, right action, right behavior; finally living with a new perspective changed my entire life! A lifetime of living with low self-esteem, fear, and addiction called for a new way of living.

How did this happen? First, I had to hit the proverbial bottom. I had to get into enough pain to see that how I was living wasn’t working. Hopeless-and wanting-to-die pain.

Then I had to get help because I didn’t know how to change.

“We are called to live the truth of our uniqueness.” David Benner

When I finally let down my guard, got honest, hope came in. The mentors, spiritual guides, and others who God brought to me through His grace helped me heal and I finally learned how to “live out loud”—be me.

Authentically, confidentially. I learned how to love myself and others.

It’s been over 30 years since the journey began. And, sometimes I still want to do what I want to do instead of what’s right. And I suffer major consequences in my body, mind, and spirit when I give in to instant gratification.

I don’t ever want to go back to the way it was. When you have high self-esteem, your confidence is high. You know how to handle the setbacks in life. I work at this every day. I have learned what I need to do to live the “higher life”.

And, it’s the reason I do what I do–working with women to show them how to get out of the trap of feeling anxious, hopeless, wallowing in low self-esteem.

We work together to get them on the path to their best and true selves. And a beautiful life in the uniqueness of God’s creation.

Is it time to Take Back Your Life? Say yes to you today. The good stuff is waiting for you.

What does Christmas mean to you?

December 16, 2017 By Yolanda Gray 6 Comments

What does Christmas mean to you?

The season holds different meanings for each of us.

Maybe you don’t celebrate Christmas in the traditional way—the tree, the decorations, the gifts, the celebration of the birth of our Savior, Jesus, the music and the gatherings. And gathering with family.

Maybe you celebrate the Holiday season—the festivities, gifts, or just getting together with family and friends. Or maybe you travel somewhere special.

It may also mean a season of sadness, hardship, and loneliness for some of you.

I’ve been through a few rough Christmas seasons.

As a child living in a chaotic, abusive, and alcoholic home, Christmas meant opening our presents, the parents getting drunk and not knowing what was going to happen next. It could be peaceful or explosive.

Years later, in an unhappy, alcoholic, abusive marriage, it meant the same. Not always; I just never knew.

When I finally decided to reach out for help for my co-dependency and my own alcoholism, the journey to Take Back My Life! began and with it a life of endless possibility.

And through that healing, I created new holiday traditions. One year I spent the day with girlfriends at the beach where I lived who, like me, were alone. Good food, a long walk, and plenty of conversation, I felt happy, fulfilled. I wasn’t anxiously waiting for bad things to happen, I expected only the good. And, it came to me.

Even when it meant the first Christmas celebration without my dad, I allowed myself to feel the pain of his absence and relish in the joy of being with my kids and my sisters. We found solace and happiness in being together even in the sadness.

Wherever you are this holiday season, I pray that you will find love and joy. I pray that you will not face the loneliness or grief alone. Reach out for help.

Life is too short, and you only have this one; make it happen for you.

Merry Christmas with love.

Hey, What Happened?

October 30, 2017 By Yolanda Gray 4 Comments

Have you ever been so excited about doing something good for yourself? Maybe you’ve decided to take an exercise class, get involved in a social or personal development group, commit to making healthy meals every night—whatever it is, you always start out with so much enthusiasm! You’re thrilled to finally get started on your plan.

This time you mean it; you will do this!

You give it your best effort, but quickly find that life’s issues edge out the promise you made to yourself. The commitment gets buried under the frantic lifestyle you’ve lived for so long. Once again you’re feeling out of control, unable to stay with it.

Trying to do it all and take care of you can lead to overwhelm. When you’re in overwhelm, you can’t think to take the best action; you’re on auto-pilot, going from one situation to another without determining if it’s the most important thing to do or making the time for that thing you were so excited about.

You’re exhausted because you can’t keep up with it all, and now there’s no time for healthy eating, exercise or nourishing your mind and soul—self-care.

“Overwhelm is a signal from your unconscious mind telling you to do one thing: Prioritize.”

As women we spend so much time meeting the needs of others and the demands of the world, those plans you made to finally take care of you can quickly fade from thrilled to killed.” Hey, what happened?” you may wonder.

Once again, you have given up on what you need and given in to the demands of others, of life. You might believe that you have no control over what happens, so you just quit taking care of you and get back to the status quo–sadly.

You may not think so, but when you take care of yourself first, you are better equipped to control your time and energy.

You can figure out what’s most important instead of trying to do it all at the expense of your health, your desires, and needs. And those around you benefit from a vibrant, healthy you as well.

It isn’t easy to “mind shift” from feeling like “this is just the way it is and always will be” to figuring out how you can get out of overwhelm and back in control of your life.

You need:

Desire—a strong one—to say I will learn to take care of my needs first.
Strategy– If you’ve always done things the same way, the old ways won’t work to get you what you want and need. You’ll need a plan.
Guidance—someone or a group who can lead you through the process of change.
Faith to believe you can make the changes necessary to take back your life.
A commitment to seeing the process through until you’re finally living what I call “out loud” –authentic, confident and in control.

Change happens inside. As you take the steps to wholeness, you will find yourself living the life God meant for you—fulfilled and in peace.

Living Honestly

July 12, 2017 By Yolanda Gray 1 Comment

Almost everything I set my mind to accomplish, I succeeded; the problem was everything I set my mind to accomplish, I succeeded. I chased after people, places and things that did not reflect God’s best for me.

How do I know it wasn’t God’s best? There was no joy. Always miserable, I looked outside of myself for validation, making sure everyone else was okay, and always feeling guilty for not doing or being enough.

So I chased after things I thought would make me feel good, look good—never stopping to do the one thing that was necessary if I wanted to live true to me, to my values, what was really important.

Anytime you live outside of your core values—the things that reflect who you are–your behavior runs contrary to them as you maneuver through life stressed out, anxiety filled, and in chaos because of the constant internal conflict.

I lived this way for many years. When I finally crashed and burned—because at some point you can’t keep all those plates spinning—I became willing to get honest about who I was, what mattered.

What a relief to finally be free from OPP (other people’s plans) and my own worn out beliefs/behaviors that kept me from my dreams and plans for a fulfilled life. I didn’t do this alone. I had to reach out for help from the women who mentored and coached me, guiding me on the path, encouraging me to take the actions to make the changes critical to a new way of living.

Does this resonate with you? Are you just coping, dealing with life, or settling for whatever the day brings? Do you feel like you have no control over your future?

I encourage you today to take some time to evaluate where you are right here, right now. Be honest with yourself—this is the beginning.

The journey to the real “me” forced me to make some tough decisions for a life of peace and truth, and it’s all been worth it. And, you’re worth it too!

I appreciate hearing your thoughts and comments.