Have you ever wanted something (or someone) so badly that you just knew if it didn’t happen for you, life would just not be complete? The more you thought about that one thing, the more convinced you became that this was God’s will for you. It was your dream and you knew it was meant to be.

Then it didn’t happen. Or it did, but not in the way you had fantasized? Now, you’re thinking, what was I thinking? Why did I think this one thing was going to fulfill my destiny? Make my life complete?

Was this really God’s will or something I “hoped” was His will?

Oh, let me count the times I pushed, pulled, and manipulated results that ultimately ended up disastrous when I finally got whatever it was that, at the time, was going to bring me life and joy.

I placed my identity, my worth, on the ideal that I conjured in my mind. That thing or person would complete me, not my life, but actually me as a human being.

No wonder I always fell short. No wonder after I finally got what I so desperately sought, I would feel empty, cheated, unworthy.

This happened in my career, relationships with men, possessions, even in the striving for a certain physical appearance. All of it defined me and always let me down.

And to cover that disappointment and pain, I would resort to “feel-good, short-term” solutions like overeating, overdrinking, over-you-name-it.

It wasn’t until I began the journey back to God that I finally realized that I have value as a person simply because He created me.

And that I could have whatever I wanted in this life. It would only require that I count the cost. Would I be required to go against TRUTH and my most authentic self? When I answered this and other questions I could courageously venture toward the goal, the dream.

And it was okay, no matter how it turned out because the thing itself did not identify me.

And knowing God’s will? I only know for certain that He loves me. And, if I ask for help, it comes in the form of angels with skin on—those people who guide me on the road to freedom, a peaceful spirit, love and myself.  I also make time to be still, to listen to the small voice inside. 

Can you relate to this? If so, please, let me know. I’d really like to hear from you.

It’s never too late to Take Back Your Life! You are so worth it!

What does Christmas mean to you?

The season holds different meanings for each of us.

Maybe you don’t celebrate Christmas in the traditional way—the tree, the decorations, the gifts, the celebration of the birth of our Savior, Jesus, the music and the gatherings. And gathering with family.

Maybe you celebrate the Holiday season—the festivities, gifts, or just getting together with family and friends. Or maybe you travel somewhere special.

It may also mean a season of sadness, hardship, and loneliness for some of you.

I’ve been through a few rough Christmas seasons.

As a child living in a chaotic, abusive, and alcoholic home, Christmas meant opening our presents, the parents getting drunk and not knowing what was going to happen next. It could be peaceful or explosive.

Years later, in an unhappy, alcoholic, abusive marriage, it meant the same. Not always; I just never knew.

When I finally decided to reach out for help for my co-dependency and my own alcoholism, the journey to Take Back My Life! began and with it a life of endless possibility.

And through that healing, I created new holiday traditions. One year I spent the day with girlfriends at the beach where I lived who, like me, were alone. Good food, a long walk, and plenty of conversation, I felt happy, fulfilled. I wasn’t anxiously waiting for bad things to happen, I expected only the good. And, it came to me.

Even when it meant the first Christmas celebration without my dad, I allowed myself to feel the pain of his absence and relish in the joy of being with my kids and my sisters. We found solace and happiness in being together even in the sadness.

Wherever you are this holiday season, I pray that you will find love and joy. I pray that you will not face the loneliness or grief alone. Reach out for help.

Life is too short, and you only have this one; make it happen for you.

Merry Christmas with love.

Have you ever been so excited about doing something good for yourself? Maybe you’ve decided to take an exercise class, get involved in a social or personal development group, commit to making healthy meals every night—whatever it is, you always start out with so much enthusiasm! You’re thrilled to finally get started on your plan.

This time you mean it; you will do this!

You give it your best effort, but quickly find that life’s issues edge out the promise you made to yourself. The commitment gets buried under the frantic lifestyle you’ve lived for so long. Once again you’re feeling out of control, unable to stay with it.

Trying to do it all and take care of you can lead to overwhelm. When you’re in overwhelm, you can’t think to take the best action; you’re on auto-pilot, going from one situation to another without determining if it’s the most important thing to do or making the time for that thing you were so excited about.

You’re exhausted because you can’t keep up with it all, and now there’s no time for healthy eating, exercise or nourishing your mind and soul—self-care.

“Overwhelm is a signal from your unconscious mind telling you to do one thing: Prioritize.”

As women we spend so much time meeting the needs of others and the demands of the world, those plans you made to finally take care of you can quickly fade from thrilled to killed.” Hey, what happened?” you may wonder.

Once again, you have given up on what you need and given in to the demands of others, of life. You might believe that you have no control over what happens, so you just quit taking care of you and get back to the status quo–sadly.

You may not think so, but when you take care of yourself first, you are better equipped to control your time and energy.

You can figure out what’s most important instead of trying to do it all at the expense of your health, your desires, and needs. And those around you benefit from a vibrant, healthy you as well.

It isn’t easy to “mind shift” from feeling like “this is just the way it is and always will be” to figuring out how you can get out of overwhelm and back in control of your life.

You need:

1. Desire—a strong one—to say I will learn to take care of my needs first.
2. Strategy– If you’ve always done things the same way, the old ways won’t work to get you what you want and need. You’ll need a plan.
3. Guidance—someone or a group who can lead you through the process of change.
4. Faith to believe you can make the changes necessary to take back your life.
5. A commitment to seeing the process through until you’re finally living what I call “out loud” –authentic, confident and in control.

Change happens inside. As you take the steps to wholeness, you will find yourself living the life God meant for you—fulfilled and in peace.